<?

$python = new python($bot);

/*
The Class itself...
*/
class python Extends BaseActiveModule
{
       /*
       Constructor:
       Hands over a referance to the "Bot" class.
       */
       function __construct (&$bot)
       {
               parent::__construct(&$bot, get_class($this));

               $this -> register_command('all', 'python', 'GUEST');

               $help['description'] = "Quotes from Monthy Python";
       }

               /*
       This function handles all the inputs and returns output
       sutible for send_tell, send_pgroup, and send_gc.
       */
       function command_handler($name, $msg, $origin)
       {
               $this->error->reset(); //Reset the error message so we don't trigger the handler by old error messages.

               return $this -> get_pythons($name);
       }

   /*
     Constructor:
       Hands over a referance to the "Bot" class.
   */
       /*
       Build response
       */
   function get_pythons($name)
   {
               $python_jokes[] = "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.";
               $python_jokes[] = "I fart in your general direction.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Run away! ";
               $python_jokes[] = "One, Two, FIVE!\nThree sir!\nTHREE!";
               $python_jokes[] = "She turned me into a newt! ...I got better.";
               $python_jokes[] = "When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England. ";
               $python_jokes[] = "On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.";
               $python_jokes[] = "What... is your name?\nWhat... is your quest?\nWhat... is your favorite color?";
               $python_jokes[] = "What... is your name?\nWhat... is your quest?\nWhat... is the capital of Assyria?";
               $python_jokes[] = "What... is your name?\nWhat... is your quest?\nWhat... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?\nWhat do you mean? An African or European swallow?"; 
               $python_jokes[] = "We are the Knights who say... NI";
               $python_jokes[] = "Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Yes, shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.";
               $python_jokes[] = "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."; 
               $python_jokes[] = "Bring out yer dead!";
               $python_jokes[] = "There are some who call me... Tim.";
               $python_jokes[] = "You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!";
               $python_jokes[] = "I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?";
               $python_jokes[] = "It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh...";
               $python_jokes[] = "And as the Black Beast lurched forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack!";
               $python_jokes[] = "A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn... until one day...";
               $python_jokes[] = "Always look on the bright side of life.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark";
               $python_jokes[] = "It's just a flesh wound.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front? Reg: Fuck off, we're the People's Front of Judea!";
               $python_jokes[] = "I DON'T LIKE SPAM!!!";
               $python_jokes[] = "I am NOT the Messiah!";
               $python_jokes[] = "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!";
               $python_jokes[] = "How shall we fuck off, O Lord?";
               $python_jokes[] = "Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!";
               $python_jokes[] = "I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'";
               $python_jokes[] = "He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'... Incontinentia Buttocks";
			   $python_jokes[] = "Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke; it's true.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.";
               $python_jokes[] = "There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Welease Woger!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Welease Wodewick!";
               $python_jokes[] = "and pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Hello, and welcome to 'The Middle of the Film', the moment where we take a break to invite you, the audience, to join us, the film-makers, in 'Find the Fish'. We're going to show you a scene from another film and ask you to guess where the fish is, but, if you think you know, don't keep it to yourselves. Yell out so that all the cinema can hear you. So, here we are with... 'Find the Fish'.";
               $python_jokes[] = "'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Now, I would just like to point out that this film is displaying a distinct tendency to become SILLY. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except, perhaps my wife... and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point! I'm warning this film NOT to get SILLY again! Right!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Right! Stop that! It's SILLY. Very SILLY indeed! Started off as a nice little idea about old ladies attacking young men, but now it's just got SILLY! His hair's too long for a vicar, too, and you can tell those are not proper keep-left signs! CLEAR OUT, THE LOT OF YOU!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Wenn ist das Nurnstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Feierhund das oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!";
               $python_jokes[] = "And now for something completely different.";
               $python_jokes[] = "I didn't want to do this, you know. I wanted to be a lumberjack!\nI cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers, I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.\nI cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory, On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea.\nI cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax!";
               $python_jokes[] = "We have found a witch! May we burn her?";
               $python_jokes[] = "NONE SHALL PASS.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Tis but a scratch.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Is your wife a...'goer'... eh? Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Nudge nudge! Know what I mean? Say no more...Know what I mean?";
               $python_jokes[] = "A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh? ";
               $python_jokes[] = "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!";
               $python_jokes[] = "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK!";
               $python_jokes[] = "Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam...";
               $python_jokes[] = "Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!";
               $python_jokes[] = "It's just a flesh wound.";
               $python_jokes[] = "I wish to register a complaint";
               $python_jokes[] = "Brave Sir Robin ran away. When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled, yes brave Sir Robin turned about and galantly he chickened out.";
               $python_jokes[] = "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?";
               $python_jokes[] = "Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who. ";
               $python_jokes[] = "Who's that then?\nI dunno, must be a king.\nWhy?\nHe hasn't got shit all over him. ";
               $python_jokes[] = "You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King' you and all your silly English K-nig-hts. ";
               $python_jokes[] = "Dingo: And after the spanking, the oral sex.\nGalahad: Well, I could stay a bit longer... ";
               $python_jokes[] = "All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?";
               $python_jokes[] = "What's this, then? 'Romanes eunt domus'? People called Romanes, they go, the house? ";
               $python_jokes[] = "...there shall, in that time, be *rumors* of things going astray, errrm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi - with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that... ";
               $python_jokes[] = "... for the demon shall bear a nine-bladed sword. NINE-bladed! Not two or five or seven, but NINE, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, sinners just like you, sir, there, and the horns shall be on the head, with which he will...";
               $python_jokes[] = ".. and the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there will be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah...";
               return $python_jokes[rand(0,sizeof($python_jokes)-1)];
   }
}
?>