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[WingAttackPlan-R]

DEATH FROM THE DEATH SCOPE OF DEATH

Starring David Werner as Vincent
And Ingrid Petrov as Number One

In the late nineteen sixties and early nineteen seventies, documentaries such as `Oor Man Flunt` and `The Man With The Golden Runs` chronicled how useless men had been at becoming evil overlords. Leaving secret agents guarded by a single sleepy minion, or allowing crimefighters one last cigarette from their gadget-laden cigarette case, criminal masterminds had been proving to be criminally underachieving for years.
It was almost as if they wanted to fail.
Appalled, a new era of female criminal, sick of being eye-candy to incompetent men, decided to show the World how it was done. Being more practical than the likes of Blofield, or Scaramoush, when they wanted you dead, they didn`t order a shark tank with easy-escape manacles; they just walked up to you and shot you in the head.....repeatedly.
It is against this backdrop that the studios of 7TV have just released their latest hit about a group of women who arrive unannounced at a secret NATO base, and are assumed, by base security, to be there to skip, and dance, and bake, and sew. However, once inside, the group produce guns from their sewing bags, round-up the base personnel like cattle, and slaughter them like pigs.
They then disappear into the night with a newly-developed laser scope, so advanced that it could shift the balance of power for years to come.
The scene is set:

ACT ONE

The shadows grew long on the crisp Sunday afternoon. Although March, the snow was still present where it had been deepest, dotted about the semi-abandoned military base along with barrels of toxic waste and shot-up, burned-out vehicles.
Vincent surveyed the scene before gathering his dependable deputies, and the rest of his Special Weapons Unit, together for their final briefing behind the blackened shell of a building, the only splash of colour it still be possessing: profanity-laden verse concerning the parentage of local miscreants.
"Remember," he whispered. "If these villains can sell the stolen laser-scope on the black market, it could fundamentally alter the arms race against us. We must recover it, no matter the cost." The ten men and women nodded in grim acceptance, and he motioned them to follow.
"I can`t see them, but I know they`re here." he continued. "I can feel it, I KNOW they are here! On me troopers, let`s get some! HUT-HUT-HUT!"
They jogged around the building and, upon reaching a field of yellow barrels carrying bio-hazard warning symbols, the lead troopers yelled "ENEMY FRONT!" and opened fire.

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The heavy machine gun team had repositioned just in time, motivated, as they were, by the threat of a fearful beating from the despotic `Number One` if they were not quick enough. She yelled at the team to fire upon the dark figures that had suddenly appeared from behind a building, and the weapon was soon spitting it`s deadly tattoo all over the SWAT team`s gung-ho existence.
"KEEP FIRING!" she shouted. "AND NOT ONE STEP BACK!" And having made sure that they did as they were told, she picked-up the laser-scope and ran for the protection of better cover in the opposite direction, pausing only to yell mocking abuse at the SWAT team as a hail of bullets rained-down on their position.
Behind another building was the main body of her female minions, a group that she now motioned forwards to provide flank support to the machine gun team and, more importantly, positioning them between herself and the advancing SWAT team. They looked hesitantly at one another upon hearing this order, before a crossfire of threats from their commander, and `Number Three`, a deranged jackbooted sadist cut from the same cloth as Number One, motivated the minions to push forward and take-up firing positions behind a couple of car wrecks. Once again, Number One yelled at her enemies in barely coherent terms.
"I CAN SEE YOU AGENT MAN, I CAN SEE YOU TO DEATH!"

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END OF ACT ONE
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(AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS)

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[WingAttackPlan-R]

ACT TWO

Looking to his deputies to restore order amongst his shattered unit, Vincent ducked the whiz of machine gun fire, and the clatter of impacting rounds, to make contact with troopers who had recovered a sufficient amount of composure to begin returning accurate fire against the source of the enemy firestorm. Deputy `Mini` pointed her trademark machine pistol in the general direction of the target and shouted: "We got one of them, there`s only one to go!"
Surveying the pile of SWAT troopers lying about his feet, he knew that his mission was already in deep jeopardy. At that moment, another trooper was hit, and fell into a luminous green pool of leaking toxic waste, whereupon he quickly began to dissolve and melt like a snowman in the noon-day sun.
"We`re going nowhere fast!" yelled Vincent over the sound of gunfire, and the bubbling and boiling of a vile brew, doing it`s foul and degenerative work. Just as he was about to head off, Mini hauled him back.
"Wait, listen!" She urged. He ordered the survivors to cease fire, and, indeed, confirmed that the machine gun had finally been silenced. Tentatively, the SWAT corporal stepped out to get a better view, and then motioned the others to follow.

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With Number One fleeing with the item, and the machine gun team neutralised, Number Two was left to curse at everything in general, and yet nothing in particular. Knowing when and how to save her skin is what made Number One the numero uno she was, regardless of who it left in a serious lurch, which, in this case, happened to be Number Two. Seeking cover within a group of shipping containers, she could see a SWAT team leader, gesturing his troopers to follow him in an advance, seemingly unaware of her presence as the last survivor of her group.
Education for the SWAT troopers was soon at hand as Number Two stepped-out and emptied an entire magazine of thirty rounds at them, in a mania of unrestricted and unrestrained violence.
One trooper was saved by his bullet-proof vest. Unfortunately said vest was insufficient protection for a grenade attached to his webbing, and when hit, the subsequent explosion only left a smoking, yet largely intact bullet-proof vest, and a charred pair of boots.
The corporal leading the team fared better, for a moment. The rounds that hit him also impacted his bullet-proof vest, sending him staggering backwards from the violent impact, tripping over the concrete foundation for a company sign, and down, onto his back. He looked up and saw that the sign belonged to the `Happy Planet Petrol Smile Company` as it swung violently above him. Suddenly, and as a result of years of neglect, the fatigued and rusting chains from which the sign hung, snapped, and the whole metal sheet plummeted down in the style of Madame Guillotine, instantly decapitating the corporal, leaving a large, grinning, cartoon sunshine face, sticking out of the ground where there had once been a head.

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END OF ACT TWO
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(AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS)

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[WingAttackPlan-R]

FINALE

Cursing his hesitation, Vincent was further incensed by the vision of the enemy leader standing behind her minions and taunting him, by waving the stolen item above her head with one hand, and gesticulating aggressive and provocative obscenities with the other. She had sacrificed her minions to allow herself time and space to make good her escape, leaving Vincent with just three surviving deputies, and the marksman who had dispatched a couple of the unfortuneate minions with head shots. The only option now was to chase the item by charging across open ground after it, a task made only slightly less dangerous with the neutralising of the enemy machine gun team.
"LET`S GO!" he yelled, and led the deputies against the enemy under covering fire from the sharpshooter. Another minion fell, and Vincent`s gloom partially lifted, as the heavy minion fire did an excellent job of hitting not much. Pistol, rifle, and sub-machine gun fire peppered the ground around the SWAT team survivors as they charged. However, the sheer weight of fire, no matter how badly aimed, was bound to hit something, sooner or later. The unlucky deputy to fill this most unhappy of roles fell in full view of the evil minions who delighted in focusing their fire on the immobile casualty, finishing the job.
Even this set-back could not hide the fact that they were almost there; near touching distance of the increasingly alarmed looking dictator, and the item. The pendulum seemed to further swing in their favour when a trooper, previously thought dead, staggered bravely back into the fray, only to be caught unawares by the devious and cackling, brave-again despot, who dispatched her prey with an unnecessarily large number of shots into his back.
"SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD, DEADO!" she shouted, before laughing maniacly. Just at that, Number Two ran-up behind the troopers, catching them in a pincer between herself and Number One`s group, motivating all the shocked SWAT survivors to break and flee, with the sole exception of Vincent. Fixated on the item, and getting to Number one, he was quite unaware of his predicament until it was too late. Taking cover behind a wall, he reloaded as rounds impacted the cement beside him. An eager-to-please minion had a rush of blood to her head and, wishing to please her dictator, advanced on Vincent`s position in an attempt to winkle him out of his lair, only to die in the process. The three senior leaders had not become such through such wild actions, and they now cautiously triangulated on Vincent`s position so that one of them would get a clear shot.

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Number One`s composure returned, after a fashion, now secure in the knowledge that she was safe, even if several of her minions had gone a bit dead. Continuing to laugh in a mocking and semi-deranged manner, she pointed Number Two out to the right, Number Three over on the left, and they collectively hosed down Vincent`s hiding place with automatic gunfire.
Continuing to goad during the fusilade, she yelled: "Where is the man who works for The Man? Scurrying in the shadows like the diseased rat that he is!" She reloaded and continued: "I could sell the laserscope to the other side for millions, but I suspect that your side will pay me more not to. As long as East competes with West, I can extort both sides, and play you off against one another like the running dogs and fools that you are. I reckon you clowns will be good for revenue for the next twenty or so years; the late nineteen eighties at least!"
Number Two suddenly took a clear shot, hitting Vincent, propelling him into the path of Number Three who scored a hit also, dropping the wheezing officer to the ground.
The three women stood over the groaning figure and Number Two asked: "Do you want to finish him?"
"No," replied Number One. "This...thing...is crawling back to The Man to tell him what happened here. This is going back to tell The Man that his pretty soldiers got their heads handed to them by my women. This is going back to tell The Man to get his money ready and await my call."
With that, she delivered a well-aimed kick at her victim and departed, leaving Vincent to dribble from sufficient number of orifices to be both humiliating and uncomfortable.

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THE END

[maelmordha]

Absolutely cracking episode! Even if the Fife Feminists for Fair Fracking won that round. I cant wait for the next 2 episodes to make it to the big screen.

Love the very 50s sponsorship

I see I have more painting to do....

[WingAttackPlan-R]

Ta muchly Steve, both a giggle to play and write!

Episode Two has the working title `GET TO DA CHOPPA!`, but this may change.

If I catch-up on episodes, we are going to have to `produce` more.
Hurrah!
Ian