DEATH FROM THE DEATH SCOPE OF DEATH
Starring David Werner as Vincent
And Ingrid Petrov as Number One
In the late nineteen sixties and early nineteen seventies, documentaries such as `Oor Man Flunt` and `The Man With The Golden Runs` chronicled how useless men had been at becoming evil overlords. Leaving secret agents guarded by a single sleepy minion, or allowing crimefighters one last cigarette from their gadget-laden cigarette case, criminal masterminds had been proving to be criminally underachieving for years.
It was almost as if they wanted to fail.
Appalled, a new era of female criminal, sick of being eye-candy to incompetent men, decided to show the World how it was done. Being more practical than the likes of Blofield, or Scaramoush, when they wanted you dead, they didn`t order a shark tank with easy-escape manacles; they just walked up to you and shot you in the head.....repeatedly.
It is against this backdrop that the studios of 7TV have just released their latest hit about a group of women who arrive unannounced at a secret NATO base, and are assumed, by base security, to be there to skip, and dance, and bake, and sew. However, once inside, the group produce guns from their sewing bags, round-up the base personnel like cattle, and slaughter them like pigs.
They then disappear into the night with a newly-developed laser scope, so advanced that it could shift the balance of power for years to come.
The scene is set:
ACT ONE
The shadows grew long on the crisp Sunday afternoon. Although March, the snow was still present where it had been deepest, dotted about the semi-abandoned military base along with barrels of toxic waste and shot-up, burned-out vehicles.
Vincent surveyed the scene before gathering his dependable deputies, and the rest of his Special Weapons Unit, together for their final briefing behind the blackened shell of a building, the only splash of colour it still be possessing: profanity-laden verse concerning the parentage of local miscreants.
"Remember," he whispered. "If these villains can sell the stolen laser-scope on the black market, it could fundamentally alter the arms race against us. We must recover it, no matter the cost." The ten men and women nodded in grim acceptance, and he motioned them to follow.
"I can`t see them, but I know they`re here." he continued. "I can feel it, I KNOW they are here! On me troopers, let`s get some! HUT-HUT-HUT!"
They jogged around the building and, upon reaching a field of yellow barrels carrying bio-hazard warning symbols, the lead troopers yelled "ENEMY FRONT!" and opened fire.
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The heavy machine gun team had repositioned just in time, motivated, as they were, by the threat of a fearful beating from the despotic `Number One` if they were not quick enough. She yelled at the team to fire upon the dark figures that had suddenly appeared from behind a building, and the weapon was soon spitting it`s deadly tattoo all over the SWAT team`s gung-ho existence.
"KEEP FIRING!" she shouted. "AND NOT ONE STEP BACK!" And having made sure that they did as they were told, she picked-up the laser-scope and ran for the protection of better cover in the opposite direction, pausing only to yell mocking abuse at the SWAT team as a hail of bullets rained-down on their position.
Behind another building was the main body of her female minions, a group that she now motioned forwards to provide flank support to the machine gun team and, more importantly, positioning them between herself and the advancing SWAT team. They looked hesitantly at one another upon hearing this order, before a crossfire of threats from their commander, and `Number Three`, a deranged jackbooted sadist cut from the same cloth as Number One, motivated the minions to push forward and take-up firing positions behind a couple of car wrecks. Once again, Number One yelled at her enemies in barely coherent terms.
"I CAN SEE YOU AGENT MAN, I CAN SEE YOU TO DEATH!"
END OF ACT ONE
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